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A nervous, expectant father tried to ring the maternity ward but hit the wrong speed dial and got the cricket ground instead.
‘How’s it going?’ he asked.
‘Pretty well! We’ve got four out so far, and the last one was a duck!’Hadrad Schmadpad, from Wolverton, aged 92
Dad, there’s a man at the door with a bill!
Don’t be daft, son. It must be a duck with a hat on.Allan Huxtable aged 49
First man: Tell me, do you file your nails?
Second man: No, I just cut them off and throw them awayFoghorn Leghorn, Missouri, aged 4